Already gone
by over-and-over
Summary: "I do love you...sometimes that's not enough. I wish it was."


**A/N: Hey everyone! Missed me? Soo this story came to me while I had on repeat 'Already Gone' by Kelly Clarkson. Reading the story again, I'm not completely sure that the song and the story go together but then again I might be wrong. This is kind of unfamiliar territory for me because it's a Jendall story, and I'm not really used at writing them so I can only hope that I did them justice. At some points it might look like I'm compairing them with Lomille, but that was seriously not my intention...**

**P.S; this takes place during season 3 but some episodes like BTGold, and BTBabysitting haven't happened. **

**Already Gone**

It wasn't the same. He didn't look at her the way he used to. He didn't touch her the way he used to. He didn't make her feel the way she used to feel every time she saw him. Everything was different, everything had changed. She'd tried to refuse it; for the first couple weeks she'd lulled herself into a dream, where everything was as it was supposed to be. Where she was happy, and he was happy to be with her. But then reality happened, and she woke up one day knowing that she had to stop lying to herself.

**Remember all the things we wanted**

**Now all our memories, they're haunted**

**We were always meant to say goodbye**

Jo woke up feeling sad. She opened her eyes, popping on her elbows, and she looked around her room. Her gaze was magnetized by some dust particles, dancing on the rays of light that managed to break through the blinds into her bedroom. She ran a hand through her tangled blonde hair, and plastered a smile on her face trying to shake off the gloomy feeling. She had a long day ahead of her, and she didn't wanna start it feeling down. But since she couldn't pinpoint why exactly she felt like that, she couldn't do anything about it.

"It's probably because of some dream you had," Camille said. They met up around nine for a coffee date. Jo had already received her script for the next episode of New Town High, and Camille had agreed to help her ran her lines.

They were sitting at a small cafe across the Palmwoods. Despite the sun, and despite being in a LA, the weather was a bit chilly so the girls opted to sit inside. Jo was playing with the pages of her script as Camille went into a detailed analysis of her previous night date with Logan. The blonde found herself smiling fondly when Camille said how they almost broke up, again, because Logan thought they were supposed to meet at the cinema even though Camille had made it perfectly clear that they were to meet at the lobby.

Jo could still remember all of the times she'd had a fight with Kendall for the exact same reason. Contrary to popular belief the happy couple wasn't always happy, they had their intense moments, they fought like everyone else. And Jo liked that; she liked the tension between them after every shouting match. Of course they never did that in public, so no one knew...The smile slowly fell from her lips as Jo realised that she missed fighting with him. Ever since she'd come back from New Zealand Kendall was walking on egg shells around her, always willing to do the things that she liked, never stating his opinion on something he knew was going to start an argument.

"Planet Earth to Jo Taylor," Camille said snapping her fingers in front of Jo's face "Jo, are you listening to me?" Jo blinked at her best friend.  
"What?" she mumbled hastily pushing some hair out of her face. Camille reached for her hand.  
"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice worried. Jo smiled.  
"I'm fine," she said, but Camille didn't look convinced "Ugh, would you mind if we start with the lines? I gotta be at the studio in an hour..." she trailed off. Camille bit on her lip like she was keeping herself from saying something.  
"Sure."

Her mood decreased further when she got stuck in the infamous LA traffic. She was already late for the rehearsal, and she hadn't managed to get one line straight while rehearsing with Camille. Jo sighed, and let her head roll back; she wasn't usually so moody. Her phone chirped, and she took it out of her pocket. One new message from; Kendall, the screen read. Instead of reading it Jo stuffed the mobile back in its place.

She knew it was wrong to take her nerves out on Kendall, but she was sure he was going to understand. Kendall was also part of the show business; he knew how stressful everything could get. Jo smiled a little as her thoughts turned to Kendall. God, she'd missed him so much. She never knew how much she loved him until she walked into the airplane that would take her away from him.

It was so hard, staying in that airplane. All she wanted was to run out, and go find him. All she needed was to hug him, and never let him go. But she couldn't do that. She had to stay in that airplane, she had to get to New Zealand, and she had to make those movies. It was her job, and most importantly it was her dream. She couldn't give it up because of a boy, no matter how much she loved that boy.

Jo chuckled; it was kind of ironic, her relationship with Kendall. She'd come to Los Angeles with no intention of falling in love, and then in came Kendall Knight determined to change her mind. It wasn't that difficult. The two were really compatible; pretty much wanted the same things. They soon became Hollywood's new 'golden couple'. The tabloids loved them, their fans loved them, and they loved each other. Jo's career was getting more and more successful, and Big Time Rush was slowly, but steadily climbing up the ladder of fame. Everything was perfect, until she landed that role, until she walked into the airport. Until she kissed Kendall goodbye. They decided that there was no point in torturing themselves and try the long distance thing, it never worked anyway. No one said the words, but Jo knew in her heart that as soon as the airplane took off, Kendall would stop being her boyfriend.

_Maybe it should've stayed that way, _a little voice said in the back of her mind. Jo smothered it as she asked the driver to find another route to the studio.

**Even with our fists held high**

**It never would've worked out right, yeah **

**We were never meant for do or die **

After three hours of trying to get the same scene right, the director sent her to her dressing room for an obligatory half hour break. Jo slammed the door shut behind her, eliciting a loud bang out of it that echoed throughout the studio. She dropped herself on the black couch that occupied the one half of the room, and brought her arm over her face. This day was not one of her best.

She heard her mobile ringing, and turned her head slightly to look at the coffee table where she'd tossed it once her make-up and hair were ready. Ever since Jett had stopped the shooting fifteen times in a row, to answer to his manager's calls, they were not allowed to bring their mobiles on set. Jo rolled on her abdomen and grabbed the device, flipping it open; 11 calls, and 6 messages from Kendall. Jo groaned; that's why she never ignored his texts; Kendall would get paranoid and keep calling and texting until she picked up or answered back. Jo opened his first text.

"Hey beautiful, I just wanted to say, good morning, and are we still on for tonight? :)" Jo felt herself smiling as she read it. The next one was along the same lines, with an added "are you still asleep?". His vocabulary was slightly agitated on the third and forth text, and Jo could understand why; she'd also be angry if she'd sent him two texts and had gotten no reply. His fifth was abrupt "Guess you don't wanna talk. Fine. I'm going to the Carnival with James tonight, see you tomorrow. Or not. Whatever." Jo frowned; Kendall sounded not only angry but also disappointed. His sixth, and last message read "Sorry for the previous text, I know you're probably busy, didn't mean to come off as an ass. I promised James to go with him tonight, but we have a breakfast date tomorrow at 11 ;)"

She shut her eyes, and letting the phone next to her head she sighed. She wanted to see Kendall that night. They'd made plans to go to the Carnival together, spent some alone time. But she'd lie if she said she wasn't thankful that James had changed her boyfriend's mind. She just felt so tired. The thought of a hot bubble bath, and her soft mattress, almost made her purr. And it was always better when he cancelled on her; that's how she got the 'relationship points'. With that thought she fell asleep on the couch.

**I didn't want us to burn out**

**I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop**

Jo shot up on her bed panting. Sweat beads were glistening on her forehead, and her chest was moving erratically as she gulped in air. Jo looked around disoriented; it took her a minute to realise she was in her bedroom, in her apartment at the Palmwoods. The girl shut her eyes, drawing in a deep breath.

There was no use in trying to fall asleep again, once she was up that was it. Jo groaned; she'd look like a zombie at her date with Kendall. _Stupid nightmare, _she thought bitterly. If only she could remember what had scared so much to wake her up. But it was all a blur. Jo slid her legs off the side of the bed, and stood up. She made a quick stop to the bathroom, to brush her teeth, and wash her face, and grabbing a hoodie from the floor where she'd disposed her clothes, she left the apartment.

She was going to go for a walk around the pool; looking at the water always calmed her down. All the lights were out in the lobby, and that's why she didn't see him at first. But she heard the guitar, and she stopped. She looked around her, surprised that she wasn't the only one awake; after all it was four in the morning. She crossed her arms, and turned her head towards the source of the music.

"Hello?" she called out. The guitar stopped.

"Jo?" Kendall's voice was doubtful. Jo frowned.

"Kendall?" she let her eyes wonder around but she couldn't spot him "Where are you?"

"Behind you," Kendall's voice this time was much closer, making Jo jump. She twirled around and found two piercing green eyes looking down at her. She smacked her fist against his arm, and Kendall hissed in pain "Why did you do that for?!" he demanded.

"You scared the daylights out of me!" Jo exclaimed. She took a deep breath feeling her heartbeats slowing down. He stroked her arm, his fingers travelling down the length of it, reaching for her hand. He wrapped his fingers around hers, and brought her hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss on her knuckles.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he said honestly.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," she said back. She could see him smiling despite the lobby being pitch dark.

"Didn't hurt," he lied; Jo was exceptionally strong for such a small person. She smiled, accepting his lie, and he chuckled "Wanna go out?" he asked. Jo nodded.

The night air was chilly, and Kendall wrapped both his arms around her to keep her warm. He was walking behind her, and Jo leaned on to him, a grin stretching across her face, her eyes gazing at the sky; it was clear of clouds, and a billion trillion stars, shined through the darkness. Kendall dropped a kiss on her forehead as they made their way towards the cabanas. They let the curtains open, and Jo sprawled on the couch, her eyes instantly drawn by the pool.

She loved these moments. These silent moments between them. She didn't have to say anything and he didn't mind to just sit there, stroking her hair, and watching her. She loved how the silence didn't feel awkward. It was just natural. Jo laid her head on his lap, and turned her eyes to his face, still smiling.

"What are you thinking?" she whispered, and Kendall lowered his eyes from the stars to her.

"Nothing," he said. Her smile flattered a little; he was lying again. She licked her lips, her teeth worrying her lower one. Kendall was always honest with her; at least he used to be. Jo had caught him lying one too many times since she came back, usually about things that upset him; Kendall was trying too hard to be the perfect boyfriend.

"I'm sorry for tonight, and for today, I didn't see your texts until it was too late," Jo spurted, startling not only him, but herself as well. She wanted to apologize, but she was going to do so in the morning, after writing down a couple of different apology drafts and choosing the best one.

"It's okay," Kendall said "I know you were busy, and I overreacted..."

"No, you didn't," Jo cut him off, shaking her head. Kendall blinked at her, and she sighed, sitting up "I would've acted the same way if I'd called you, and texted you and you'd simply ignored me."

"But you didn't ignore me," Kendall argued back, _although it felt that way,_he added mentally "Jo, I'm telling you; it's okay. I promise. Plus I had fun with James tonight. It had been a while since the two of us hanged alone. And Logan and Carlos needed some time on their own, although leaving them alone is not a wise choice; Carlos can get him in any sort of shenanigans he pleases just by looking at him with those huge puppy-dog eyes of his..." Kendall paused "I'm getting off point. Look, you don't need to apologize."

"But I do," Jo said with a sad smile, shrugging her shoulders "I can see it in your eyes that I hurt you Kendall and I..." Kendall turned his head away, and she sighed again. She scooted closer to him, her head coming to rest on his shoulder "I don't like hurting you," she whispered in his ear. Kendall didn't say anything; it was futile. Jo wouldn't understand that as long as she was with him, the occasional neglect and hurt didn't matter "So," Jo said after a couple of seconds, when she realised that the conversation was over "What shenanigans did Carlos drag Logan into?" Kendall turned to her grinning.

"You will never believe this," he said and Jo raised her eyebrows, trying to not feel guilty or upset about the talk they never got to have "Okay so get this; Carlos was in the living room and..."

**I want you to know**

**That it doesn't matter**

**Where we take this road**

**But someone's gotta go**

Camille was fighting with Logan. Again. She was pissed with him for not trying to set his friends straight, and ending up in a bear suit as a result, and Logan was upset with her – and Jo, but he never said that one out loud- for crashing their camping trip.

"You could've gotten seriously hurt!" Jo heard Camille's voice rising and she grimaced; another shout match.

"But I didn't! And even if I had, I'm a big boy Camille, I can handle it!"

"Yeah right," this time it was Kendall's turn to grimace. Logan looked at his girlfriend affronted.

"What is that supposed to mean?!" he demanded. Camille crossed her arms, refusing to dignify his question with an answer. Logan glared at her, and Jo saw him swallowing hard "Don't try to change the subject, the point is that no one invited you!" he snapped, remembering how this whole argument had started.

"It wasn't my idea!" Camille yelled just as loudly. Logan's eyes turned quickly to Jo, and then he looked again at the brunette sitting opposite him.

"Still, you could've disagreed!"

Jo felt bad. She felt responsible for their fight. Crashing the boys' trip wasn't Camille's idea, it was hers. But she just wanted to spent some time with Kendall and their friends away from the Palmwoods and all those annoying paparazzi who hid in the bushes waiting to get a 'juicy' or 'embarrassing' photo of them. She didn't mean to turn this trip into a girls versus boys camp off, she didn't mean for them to think like they needed to prove that they were better, she didn't mean for Jennifer to get 'locked up' and for Carlos to save her, she didn't mean to get Logan in trouble, and she definitely didn't mean for Logan and Camille to end up fighting.

"I give them until Christmas," Kendall whispered in her ear. Jo turned to him frowning.

"What do you mean?" Kendall's eyes flickered between Jo and the couple at the other side of the pool.

"That's how long they'll last this time; till Christmas," Kendall said "What do you think?" Jo's eyebrows reached her hairline.

"Excuse me?"

"C'mon, let's make a bet; I say Christmas, you say..?" Kendall waggled his eyebrows. Jo scoffed.

"I'm not gonna bet on my best friend's relationship."  
"Oh c'mon Jo! It's harmless fun!" Kendall nagged.

"Harmless? Fun?" Jo narrowed her eyes shaking her head "What kind of person would find something like this 'funny'?" Kendall turned and looked at James and Carlos.

Soon as the Latino noticed, his eyes widened a little and he nudged James on the ribs, making him yelp and glare at him. Carlos made a not so subtle motion with his head towards Jo and Kendall, and James' eyes also widened. The two of them turned their heads the other way whistling. Jo blinked; she didn't even know that James and Carlos where at the pool area...Where had they come from? The boys swiftly jumped up, and walked away.

"James and Carlos betted on Camille and Logan's relationship?" Jo asked starting to get irritated on her friend's behalf. Kendall's cheeks turned red.

"Ugh, no...not Camille and Logan's," he murmured. Jo leaned closer to him.

"Huh? I didn't hear what you said."

"I said not Camille and Logan's," Kendall repeated himself.

"Then...oh," Jo's lips formed a perfect 'o' and she turned towards the lobby; James and Carlos had their faces pressed against one of the windows watching them. When Jo's eyes met with James, Carlos let a small scream and fell on the floor, dragging his taller friend along with him.

"You're not mad with me, are you?" Kendall asked his voice small. It took her a minute to shake her head "And with them?"

"I'm working on that one," Jo said, trying to smile at him. Kendall smiled back, but it was obvious that it was forced "So how did you figure it out?"

"Oh well I had a weird conversation with James a couple of weeks ago, about time and how people change as they grow up," Jo shifted a bit in her seat; she'd been thinking about that a lot lately "And then Carlos told me like a week ago that he's glad you're back, and that he's sure we're gonna be together forever," Kendall grinned at her.

"You and Carlos?" Jo deadpanned. Kendall's smile fell off his face, and she had to bit her tongue to not laugh.

"What? No! You and I," he said moving his hand in the air between them "Anyway, then I caught them spying on our date the other night, but I didn't say anything cause we were having a great time," he said reaching for her hand. Jo smiled when he kissed her palm.

"So...how long until we break up?" she asked tilting her head on the side. Kendall blinked at her, and this time she chuckled "What was the guys' bet?"

"Oh!" Kendall's cheeks got even redder "Well, James predicted a little less than two months, and Carlos..." Jo raised her eyebrows questioningly when he didn't continue "Carlos predicted we wouldn't."

"We wouldn't?"

"Told you; together forever," Kendall repeated.

Jo shifted in her seat again. Forever was a long time. Even a year from now sounded like a long time to her. What if something happened, what if she got another role that required her to leave the country? Would Kendall follow her? Would he give up the band, the guys, his family, to be with her? Did she want him to? What if she ended up breaking his heart all over again, and in the process breaking her own as well? Was it worth it?

"So what about that bet?" Kendall asked and she pinned in his eyes.

She was only starting to realise how much they'd grown apart...

**And I want you to know**

**You couldn't have loved me better**

**But I want you to move on**

**So I'm already gone**

Jo was on set; she only had two scenes for the day and then she was done. But those two scenes were with Jett and that was never a good thing; Jett had the attention span of a four year old. Her on screen boyfriend was currently checking himself at his pocket size mirror, reminding her of James. Jo shook her head to shoo away the disturbing comparison and smiled walking closer to him.

"Jett?" she said, but he didn't look away from his mirror "Jett, I was wondering maybe..."

"Oh, Jo, you're here!" Jett exclaimed; Jett never spoke like a normal person, he'd either exclaim or yell, but never talk. Jo flinched a little "I didn't notice you were here."

"How..is that possible? We just took a break from shooting one of the scenes we have together," Jo said and he frowned.  
"We did? Wait, we have scenes together?!" Jo slapped her forehead with her palm. She could totally relate to their director who had jumped up and ran out of the studio when Jett messed the same exact 'I know' line ten times in a row.

"Yes," Jo said calmly as she could. Jett looked at her surprised "We have two scenes together, and then we are done for the day..."

"Excellent! So let's start with the scenes!"

"We did," Jo said raising her eyebrows "We started forty minutes ago," Jo went on, talking slow and clear, as if she was trying to communicate with a toddler "And now we're having a break because you couldn't remember your lines, so I was wondering maybe you could go over the script again."

"Oh, but I know my lines," Jo looked at him doubtfully "Yeah, you go 'I'm scared, of this town, of the people, of everything,' and then I say 'I know, Rachel', and we kiss!"

"If you know what you're supposed to say, what don't you say it?!" Jo snapped. Jett looked at her unfazed.

"I didn't know we were rolling."

"What?"

Jo wanted to say more, scream at his face maybe for a couple of minutes, but from the corner of her eye she caught sight of someone who was not supposed to be there. Instead of yelling at Jett, she threw her arms up in exasperation, and stormed away, her eyes pinned on the person standing next to Matt the assistant director.

"Kendall," she said smiling at her boyfriend, who was trying to talk Matt into not calling security.

"Jo!" the relief was evident in the blonde's voice "Thank god you're here, please tell him..."

"Matt, this is my boyfriend," Jo cut him off. Matt gave her a disapproving look.

"You know the rules," he said. Jo smiled bashfully.

"I do, but we're having a twenty because of Jett," she said pointing over shoulder at her co-star, who sure enough had returned to his previous activity of checking himself out.

"Fine, but he doesn't stay past the break," Matt said, scribbling something down at the clipboard in his hands. Kendall grinned at Jo, and she grabbed his hand dragging him away.

"Hey," he said and leaned forward to peck her lips. Jo wasn't smiling.

"Why are you here Kendall?" she asked crossing her arms.

"Well we finished recording the last song for our new album today," he said, obviously excited.

"Good for you guys," that was evidently not the reaction he was expecting. Jo hooked an eyebrow "That still doesn't explain what you're doing here."

"I called your phone, but then I remembered that you're not allowed to take it to the set with you, so I decided to come over and...Why are you not happy that I'm here?" he demanded. Jo sighed, and relaxed her expression, allowing a smile to take over her face.

"I am happy that you're here...I'm just stressed because Jett hasn't even realised that we have scenes together, I mean we were shooting and he hadn't even taken notice..." Jo let a heavy sigh and shook her head. Kendall opened his arms, beckoning her to come closer. Jo didn't need to be told twice. She quickly stepped into his embrace, nestling her head on his chest "And you're not actually allowed to be here," she mumbled wincing, knowing what was coming next.

"What?!" Kendall yelled pulling her at arms' length, and pinning in her eyes "Why not?"

"Do I really have to say it?" she asked pleadingly.

"Ugh, yeah!"

"Fine! After the last time you were here during shooting, when you came back from tour last year," Jo said and Kendall had the decency to turn beetroot red "And after the llama stunt we pulled, the producers aren't exactly so happy with you."

"B-but I'm your boyfriend!"

"I know that, but that doesn't mean they have to like you," Kendall huffed, crossing his arms.

"Okay so what does that mean? Am I, like banned from the studio?" he scoffed at the ridiculousness of the suggestion, but then he saw Jo grimacing "No," he shook his head. Jo pressed her lips in a straight line, nodding "No...What for real?"

"I'm sorry."

"No, no," Kendall said running his hands up and down her arms "It's not your fault. You don't have to apologise for something that isn't your fault..."

"I still feel bad about it," Jo cut him off, snuggling against him once again.

"I know," Kendall murmured "But you shouldn't," Jo let a sigh. After a couple of minutes she pulled away, smiling up at him. It wasn't a completely fake smile, but Kendall could see that it didn't reach her eyes.

"So, what are we gonna do afterwards?" she asked, and he returned the smile, his arms still looped around her waist.

"Lady's choice," he said and her smile brightened.

"I want to watch a movie. Just relax, and spent some time with you," she said, and Kendall couldn't refuse that it sounded like the perfect idea "I feel like I keep missing you," she added in a small voice. Kendall leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers.

"A movie sounds great," he said and Jo beamed at him.

"Great!" Jo repeated "And since your mom and Katie are in Minnesota for the week..." Jo noticed him wincing "What? What's wrong?"

"Can't go back to 2J," Kendall said, and she raised an eyebrow questioningly "Me, James and Carlos are banned for the rest of the night."

"Banned?" Jo asked and he nodded "What did you do to make Logan ban you?" Kendall narrowed his eyes.

"Nothing! Why would you immediately assume it's something we did?" Jo raised both her eyebrows. Kendall kept glaring for a while but then he rolled his eyes "Okay yeah, he usually has a good enough reason, but not this time," Jo simply looked at him, waiting to hear the rest of the story "He's in there with Camille, doing..." Kendall paused, and for a second she thought he was going to be sick "I don't really wanna know what they're doing, but when Logan called us to let us know he sounded pretty excited," Kendall made another grimace. Jo chuckled despite herself.

"Hey, didn't you tell me you just finished from the studio?" she inquired confused.

"Yeah, Carlos and I had to re-do the bridge on a song. James tagged along as he had nothing better to do, but Logan said he was going to stay home, and then he called like thirty minutes later with...the news," Kendall again looked like he'd tasted something foul.

"Wow, you really don't like the idea of Logan and Camille doing the McNasty, huh?" Jo asked cheekily. She usually wasn't so open with talking about her best friend's love life, but she enjoyed how uncomfortable the subject made Kendall. Her boyfriend faked to gag.

"Logan is my best bud, and I love him, but no...thinking about him and Camille getting it on...it's kinda painful," he said shifting a little. Jo held back a giggle, as she looked at him seriously.

"Kendall, have you ever considered the possibility you might be gay?" she asked and Kendall gaped at her, his jaw hitting the floor "That you might be in love with Logan?" she added with a sly grin, wanting him to know she was only teasing. Kendall relaxed a little, his face turning sad, but his eyes glinting with mirth as he looked down at her.

"Damn Jo, I didn't want you to find out like that. I mean I care for you, I really do, but Logan..." Kendall paused and shook his head "He has a hold on my heart, in a way that no one ever had before..." he was cut off by Jo's laughing.

"You're such a dork," she said reaching up to push a kiss against his lips. Kendall smiled content "So, I guess everything is okay between them? The whole camping trip thing is forgotten?" Jo asked, with a pang of guilt.

"I'd say," Kendall said with an exaggerated headshake "These two are ridiculous, they can't keep their hands off each other long enough to have a serious talk," he added.

And just like that Jo felt her stomach sinking a little. She looked at Kendall, and she remembered of how true that used to be for them as well; there was a time when they couldn't keep their hands off each other. True, they were more discreet about it than Logan and Camille would ever be, but they'd find excuses to slip away from everyone else and spent time alone, usually several times in one day. And Jo used to love that.

Jo tried to fight it but she couldn't; a sad feeling filled her throughout as her thoughts took a turn towards where she didn't want them to go. If everything was like it used to be, Kendall would've reacted differently when she'd accused him of being attracted to Logan. He would've grown more aggressive, and he would've wanted to prove to her just how much he was attracted to her and not his best friend. Jo knew that, from previous experience. She knew that, she knew what that felt like, and she longed for it. She longed for the passion that had somehow disappeared from their relationship.

When had they lost it? When did they pass the point of not being able to keep their hands to themselves? And was it really a good thing? If so, why Jo felt like there was something vital missing from their relationship? It also kind of hurt, that Kendall found it ridiculous, because it wasn't. It was one of those feelings that Jo associated with being in love. Looking at him she tried to ignore the little voice that kept whispering, _then why don't you feel it anymore? _

"Hey, are you okay?" Kendall questioned, pressing a kiss on her forehead. Jo nodded her head, and blinked back some tears that had made their way to her eyes.

"I'm fine," she lied. Kendall looked like he didn't believe her but he went along with it.

"Maybe we can watch that movie at your place?" he asked, but she shook her head.

"My dad won't like that idea very much," she said trying not to let him see how much of a mess she felt like. Kendall sighed, and closed his eyes, his head rolling back "But we could go to a cinema, I guess," Jo heard herself saying "We could pick whichever movie, I don't really care, I just want to be with you."

She could hear the words coming out of her mouth, and she could see the positive effect they had on him, but Jo couldn't feel them. It was like she was in auto-pilot mode. She was internally freaking out, and that voice in the back of her mind wouldn't shut up.

"That would be perfect," Kendall said, offering her one of those smiles that would melt her on spot, but didn't do anything for her in the state she currently was. Another fake smile from her part.

"Okay, now you gotta go. It's been thirty minutes, Matt will be fuming," she said, and Kendall threw a look over his shoulder just to find the assistant director glaring at him.

"He really doesn't like me," he said, sounding a bit sad. Jo shook her head no, and he sighed "I'm gonna wait for you in your dressing room, okay?" he asked, sweeping forward for a last kiss "Don't let Stetson drag this on forever, okay?"

"I'll try," Jo said with a small shrug. Kendall chuckled, pulling away from her.

"I'll be at your dressing room. Love you."

It took Jo a minute to answer back "Yeah, you too."

**Looking at you makes it harder**

**But I know that you'll find another **

**That doesn't always make you want to cry**

It didn't happen overnight. It took her a long while to realize that she wasn't happy. And it took her a bit longer to see that it was the same for Kendall. She denied it when it stared her in the face, and she'd turn the music louder when the little annoying voice started speaking up in the back of her mind. She didn't want to believe it, because she truly loved him, and cared for him. And she was also scared; scared of hurting him, of hurting herself, of being alone again. Loneliness, she'd realised while she was in New Zeeland, wasn't something she liked.

She'd tried so hard to overlook it, but it was too obvious. She could play dump for so long before waking up one day, determined to stop lying. It wasn't fair to Kendall, and it was certainly not fair to herself. But she couldn't; because every time she looked at his face, she could feel this wave of adoration, and warmth, and tenderness, hit her from every angle. She felt like she was being suffocated.

She couldn't pin point what exactly made her aware that there was a problem. One day she just realised that she already knew, and that she couldn't do something to fix it. Jo decided that it must've been an unconscious conclusion; things that her subconscious had taken notice of, things that she kept in a list somewhere in her mind, things that the awaken part of her brain didn't acknowledge until they were too out there to be ignored.

"Jo...Jo?" Jo heard Logan repeating her name and she blinked, shaking her head a little. She was sitting by the pool, staring across the water at Kendall who was talking with some girl.

"Hey," she said bringing a hand to her forehead, pressing her fingers over her closed eyelids.

"Are you okay?" Logan sounded concerned.

"Just fine," she mumbled.

"Really?" Logan pressed on. Jo opened her eyes to look at him "I've been calling your name for like, five minutes, but you didn't respond. You were just looking at..." Logan trailed off, and Jo glimpsed towards her boyfriend again. Sensing her eyes on him, Kendall looked over at her and smiled. Jo did the same "You know that he has eyes only for you, right?" Logan started a bit timidly "He doesn't shut up about you. It's quite annoying actually..."

"Logan," Jo cut him off "It's fine, I'm okay. Really," she said, hoping she sound reassuring.

"Okay," Logan said with a lopsided smile, taking a seat next to her "I just wanted you to know; there's no one else for Kendall."

_Maybe there should be. _Was it weird that Jo didn't feel jealous, or angry when the little voice said that? Maybe, but she didn't really want to ponder over it. What the voice said didn't matter, Kendall was with her because he wanted to be. And Jo wanted him to want her, even if there were things in their relationship that no one could fix. Jo knew that one day, one day she'd have to acknowledge these problems and possibly lose him forever. But one day wasn't _that day. _

"So," Jo said leaning closer to Logan "What are you thinking to get for Camille's birthday?" she asked, and he blushed a little.

"I actually wanted your opinion about this one," he said, and Jo raised her eyebrows, surprised but pleased "Okay, so I have this idea..."

Jo was amazed at how much thought Logan had put into the whole thing. Of course she shouldn't be, this was Logan; he always over-thought something before going through with it. It just felt...unfamiliar; Logan was taking this 'serious dating' better than she'd ever hope, and Jo was proud of him. It was amusing to watch him as he explained in great detail exactly what he wanted to do, and his excitement was contagious. By the end of his rather long monologue, Jo couldn't wait for Camille's birthday.

"You think she'll like it?" Logan asked shyly. Jo reached for his hand, and squeezed it tightly.

"She'll love it!" she said, earning a million watt grin from Logan.

**Started with a perfect kiss then**

**We could feel the poison set in**

**Perfect couldn't keep this love alive**

"_Not everybody can have a perfect relationship like ours." _

Even thinking those words felt wrong. Saying them out loud, while smiling, with Kendall standing in front of her worried sick about his best friend, Jo wished for the earth to open up and eat her alive. He gave her a small smile, and she saw him relaxing a bit, but she couldn't stop feeling like she'd lied to him.

They'd spent the rest of the morning arguing, while trying unsuccessfully to show to Carlos how unhealthy his relationship with Jennifer was. Jo thought that they'd end up fighting –they always fought when Kendall made up his mind to butt in his friends' business- but instead they'd ended up breaking up. Or fake breaking up. Needless to say, Jo was pissed off.

After Kendall broke it off with her, and then proceeded to slam the door in her face, Jo stormed over to her apartment. She was grateful that her father was out. Soon as the door was shut behind her she started pacing up and down the living room, her hand wracking through her hair. She picked one of the pillows from the couch and threw it on the wall, barely missing an old china vase that her father had bought from some exhibition in Beijing that cost more than he was willing to admit, and knocking on a framed photo of her with her mother, crooking it. Jo groaned and flopped down on her couch.

_Well,_ she thought gloomily crossing her arms, _you should've known this relationship would be whacky. What kind of couple's first kiss is also their last? _

To be fair it wasn't their last, but they thought it was, back when Griffin dropped BTR, and the boys had to go back to Minnesota. Both Kendall and Logan looked like dejected puppies when they broke the news to her and Camille, and Jo couldn't stop herself from snatching Kendall's shirt in her fists and dragging him down for a kiss.

Despite herself, Jo smiled; it was a good kiss. She wasn't usually so aggressive, but she'd never regret kissing him that day by the pool. Jo had no time to go down memory lane, because there was a knock on her door, and then Kendall was there saying that of course he didn't mean to break up with her, and that he needed her help to break up the spell. Jo's revenge wasn't as severe as she'd wanted to be, but it was good enough. She couldn't stop smiling as he kept on tagging the pink sweater that he'd put over his blue t-shirt.

"Sorry again," Kendall said for the millionth time, and Jo looked up at him. They were at the park, lying on a blanket, the stars shinning down on them "For breaking up with you," he explained, although he didn't have to.

"Kendall," Jo let a small sigh "I told you, you don't have to. It's okay," she was seriously getting tired of his constant apologies.

"And in general, for this whole day. You're right, we always end up fighting," he said running his long fingers through her hair "I don't like that."

"Me neither," she mumbled snuggling closer to him.

"This sweater isn't so terrible after all," Kendall broke the silence a couple of seconds ago, playing with the sleeve of the sweater that was now around his shoulders. Jo chuckled softly "Hey Jo?" he said after a while, and Jo could hear the shift in his voice; Kendall sounded hesitant. That was new. She pulled slightly away to look at his face "Thanks for coming back and...You know, waiting around for me to get my shit straight," Kendall almost squirmed under her gaze "Sometimes I think it's scary," he mumbled and she frowned.

"What's scary?" she prompted when he didn't continue. Kendall pinned in her eyes, chewing briefly on his lower lip, and if Jo wasn't mistaken she'd say he was anxious. Another thing that was not usual for Kendall.

"How much I need you," he said his voice small.

Jo was stunned. She quickly hugged him again, pressing her face on his chest, her heart pounding fast inside her own. _Oh Kendall, _she thought, her eyes burning with tears she didn't want to shed. Jo felt so confused. All she could think of was the elevator's doors opening, and Kendall standing there kissing Lucy. When she tried to push that image away she was ambushed by several memories of her and Kendall fighting, memories that ended with her storming in her room and crying her eyes out until Kendall called or texted or came to her house to say he was sorry.

They weren't perfect. They were far from it. They weren't even normal. Kendall was still afraid of talking to her about things he knew would upset her, and it was killing her inside. He was still walking on egg shells around her, and Jo didn't know how much more of it she could take. How much more of it they could take. She loved him, she wasn't going to deny that, and it was exactly because she loved him why it hurt so much. They couldn't go back, because they'd grown up, they weren't the same people that said goodbye to each other at the airport. And they couldn't move forward, because they didn't know how; Kendall was too afraid to lose her again, and she didn't know what to say to make him unwind, make him see that she wasn't going anywhere. All they could do was try to balance in this thin line, between past and future, staying in limbo until one of them decided he had had enough.

**You know that I love you so, **

**I**

**Love you enough to let you go**

Jo couldn't take her eyes off the pair. She was at the Palmwoods Park, sipping her blue smoothie, patiently waiting for her boyfriend. The boyfriend who was talking with one Lucy Stone not a hundred a feet away. Jo chewed on her straw, her knee bouncing up and down.

She didn't know what was worst; the fact that she didn't feel anything watching Kendall talk to the other girl, or the fact that she didn't care that she didn't feel anything. Shouldn't she be jealous? Or at least angry? Or maybe a little hurt?

Jo jumped in her seat, the drink almost falling from her hands, when she heard that sharp intake behind her. Her head snapped around, and she found Camille looking at Lucy and Kendall. Jo instantly felt guilty; she knew that by coming back she hadn't only forced Kendall to pick her over Lucy, but the rest of her friends too. She'd told Camille a hundred times that it was okay if she wanted to still be friends with Lucy, but the petite brunette made no attempts to maintain her friendship with her, out of loyalty to Jo.

"Cam, it's okay," Jo said when she noticed the way Camille's eyes trailed from the couple, to her "They're just talking," she added with a small shrug.

"You're okay with that?" Camille asked, joining her on the bench. Jo looked at her boyfriend who was smiling and nodding along to something Lucy was saying.

"Yep," she said taking another sip of her drink. Camille's expression turned surprised, and Jo raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Wow," was all her friend could say. Jo waited for a second but Camille didn't add anything.

"Wow...?" she trailed off.

"I would never be able to do that," Camille said truthfully "I mean if it was Logan, I'd never be okay seeing him talk with a girl he made out..."

"They didn't make out, it was just a kiss," Jo reminded her.

"Right yeah, but I could hardly stand seeing him talk to Peggy, and we weren't even together back then..."

"You and Logan were always one of these couples," Jo cut her off. It was Camille's turn to look at her friend questioningly "The ones that remain a couple, even when they aren't one," Jo clarified.

"Hm, I guess you're right."

"I know I'm right," Jo said with a cheeky smile. She looked over just in time to see Kendall and Lucy exchange and awkward handshake before the tall boy started towards them "Plus I know that Kendall and Lucy are only friends," Jo said her eyes returning to her best friend.

"Yes but still, don't you feel...I don't know, a bit weird?" Camille asked pinning in her eyes. Jo thought about it for a second.

"Nope," she said truthfully "And Cam, I told you before, I won't mind if you want to be friends with Lucy."

"Jo, we never were really friends. We just both hang a lot with the guys, and since we were the only girls, we kinda bonded, but you're my best friend and..."

"Hey!" Kendall's voice broke between them, cutting Camille off. She looked up flashing a smile at him, and he beamed at both girls "Sorry for being late, we had...ugh, we got some problems with the new album," Kendall cleared his throat, and rubbed the back of his neck. Camille raised an eyebrow, looking at Jo, who pointedly ignored her.

"Is everything okay?"

"Ugh yeah. Gustavo will figure it out, I'm sure," Kendall shook his hand dismissively "It's just Griffin being his usual self," he added.

"I'm sorry, you guys were really excited about the new cd," Camille piped in.

"We still are. A small complication won't deter us," Kendall said with a cocky grin. Camille rolled her eyes good naturedly.

"Of course not," she said standing up "Now you two will have to excuse me. I'm gonna find that boyfriend of mine who promised to call soon as he came back from Rocque Records and," Camille took out her mobile, raising her eyebrows when she looked at the screen "Guess what? I got no calls."

"Oh, it's not Loges fault," Kendall said, quick to defend his friend "Carlos used his mobile as a hockey puck the other day."

"Why would he do that?" Jo asked, and Kendall turned to her.

"You really don't wanna know."

"Then why did he say he'd call?"

"Maybe he was going to, once we got back to 2J. But James is on the phone talking with his parents so that one will take ages...It's really not his fault Camille," Kendall said, hoping she'd believe him. Camille stared at him for a long second, before finally grinning,

"Okay, I'm gonna go find him anyway."

"Great!" Kendall said. As Camille waved them goodbye, his face fell "Wait...Just don't do anything in our room this time!" he yelled after her. Camille didn't give him a sign she'd heard "Damn it!" Kendall exclaimed, plopping down on the bench next to Jo.

"Are you okay?" Jo asked, trying not to laugh. Kendall looked at her with a pained expression. Jo snorted a little, and tried to turn it to a cough.

"I really wish they didn't do what they do in our room."

"Kendall it's Logan's room too, not only yours," Jo said, trying to sound comforting. Kendall sighed, shutting his eyes.

"I know."

"So, how bad are things with Griffin?" she changed the subject.

"He just wants to add three more songs, and he wants two of them to be duets. But there's no way for this to happen, and he knows it. He'll threaten Gustavo a couple of times, but then he'll realise that what he wants is just impossible, and he'll back down," Kendall said, not bothering to open his eyes. Jo nodded anyway "What about you? No shooting today?"

"Nope, but I have to be at the studio at six tomorrow morning, and unfortunately most of my scenes are with Jett. Meaning I'll be there until midnight," it was Jo's turn to look miserable. Kendall cracked an eye open and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her on him. Jo settled against him, her head resting on his chest.

"So...I was talking with Lucy," he started after a while. Jo didn't say anything "We just...we kind of bumped into each other, and I..." Kendall shut up. Jo could feel him tensing up.

"Yeah, I saw you," she said and his arm stiffened around her "Ken, it's okay," she tried to calm him down.

"No it's not! I shouldn't have talked to her..."

"Kendall!" Jo said loudly, to stop him. She pulled away, and looked in his eyes "I don't mind you talking to Lucy, okay? I know she was your friend before..." she trailed off, the image of him and Lucy kissing flashing before her eyes. She shook her head "I know you're friends. So I don't mind."

"Are you sure?" Kendall asked, and she smiled at him, nodding "You're perfect," Kendall said leaning forward to capture her lips.

"I know," Jo said with a sly smirk "I love you," she added and he smirked as well.

"I know," he shot back.

They spent the rest of the day together, eating lunch at her apartment, and then watching a movie. Kendall took her out for a game of mini golf as an impromptu date, and he ended up sulking when she beat him effortlessly. They ended the night by going down to the beach for a long walk, while eating some ice cream.

The nagging little voice was present throughout the day, whispering how not normal her reaction to seeing Kendall with Lucy was. _You should be jealous, you should be angry, you should want to make sure that Lucy knows he's dating you_, it whispered. Jo ignored it; she was being mature, she trusted Kendall, that's why she wasn't jealous. She loved him, and he loved her, so there was nothing to be jealous of. _He kissed her, less than two months ago he was kissing her inside the elevator. They'd be a couple now if you hadn't come back. _But she had come back, she reminded herself, determined to not let the little voice ruin her date.

"What are you thinking?" Kendall asked, his arm sneaking around her waist. Jo shook her head, feeling a little bit crazy after arguing for almost twenty minutes with a voice inside her head.

"Just...about work, tomorrow will be a long day," she lied.

"Okay, so let's make the night count," Kendall said before sweeping forward for a sheering kiss.

_Okay genius, _the voice said maliciously, _tell me this then; if you two are so perfect together, and love each other so much, why are you sad when you're together? _

Jo wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her body closer to his. Kendall deepened the kiss, his hand tangling in her hair, as his tongue battled with hers for dominance. Jo's brain shut down as Kendall bit on her lower lip, effectively smothering the little voice. _I'm not sad_, she shot back weakly, before surrendering herself to the moment.

**I want you to know that it doesn't matter**

**Where we take this road someone's gotta go**

**And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better**

**But I want you to move on, so I'm already gone**

Kendall was looking at her, fidgeting with the hemline of his shirt. Jo run a hand through her hair, realising for the first time how tired she was. Both emotionally and physically. She waited for Kendall to say something, but he didn't. This was just getting too much, she couldn't do it anymore.

"Speak," she said snappily making his eyes widen in alarm.

"I...I mean, we, the guys and I, we kind of..."

"Kendall, just spit it out," Jo pushed. Kendall sighed.

"I don't want you to get mad."

That did it.

"Kendall I'm so tired of this!" Jo blew up, jumping from the couch. She started pacing up and down her dressing room, one of her hands running through her hair, as the other wrapped around her body " Have you noticed that we hardly speak anymore? And it's always because you don't want me to get mad, or because you think I'll take something the wrong way! Am I the only one who's tired of this?"

It had been four months. Four months since she'd come back, and things were not better. If anything they were worse. Jo didn't even know if they were still a couple; they hadn't had a real talk in months. Sure they went on dates, and they kissed and did all the staff couples usually do, but it all felt...wrong. She didn't know where Kendall was standing, and she couldn't help but feel like he was shutting her out.

Jo had hoped that after the first couple of weeks that it would take them to get used to being a couple again, the awkwardness would've worn out, but it hadn't. She'd hoped that Kendall would go back at being his charming and cocky self but he hadn't. She'd hoped that she'd be able to cope with the changes, but she wasn't. And she felt sad. There were days she didn't even wanna get out of her bed.

"I didn't know you felt that way," Kendall said calmly. Jo halted in front of him, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Am I the only one?" she asked again.

"No," he muttered slowly, shaking his head "But take a minute, and try to see yourself in my shoes for once. Try to understand what I feel like, how I've felt since you came back. How it feels to know that the person you love has emotionally checked out of the relationship," Kendall said, his voice still low and cool, but his eyes burning as he looked at her. Jo took a step back.

"What?"

"Oh c'mon Jo!" Kendall finally snapped "You don't mind seeing me with Lucy! You don't mind that photo of me with that fan where she kisses me, although I know you would've blown a gasket if that had happened last year! You don't mind the rumours going around the internet about me dating the new solo artist Gustavo signed for the label! If that doesn't scream that you're not emotionally involved in our relationship anymore, then I don't know what does!"

Kendall was panting. His cheeks were red, his eyes still burning with anger as he looked at her. Jo didn't know what to say. Kendall was right; she didn't mind all of those things. But that didn't mean that she didn't care, did it? It didn't mean that she didn't love him...did it?

As she blinked at him, trying to find something to say, things started coming to her mind; moments between them, little glances, things that at the time she wrote off but held great meaning. If she dared to add them all up, Jo would see that they had a huge problem; a problem that neither of them could fix.

Kendall was right; she'd checked off emotionally. But Jo was also right; he'd closed up. They were both so afraid to get hurt and hurt each other that they'd effectively pushed each other out of their lives while trying to hang on for dear life. Jo couldn't understand how that was possible, but she knew it was the truth. She loved Kendall, but she couldn't keep doing this. This was too much, too difficult. Loving someone shouldn't be so hard, it shouldn't hurt so much.

"I'm sorry," Kendall was the first one to break the silence.

"Me too."

**I'm already gone, already gone**

**You can't make it feel right when you know**

**That it's wrong**

**I'm already gone, already gone**

**There's no moving on, so I'm already gone. **

Officially they were still together, but they hadn't spoken since that day in her dressing room. It had been two weeks, when Jo decided that it was time; it was now or never. She knew that Kendall would be down at the pool, so she went straight there, not loosing time searching for him at 2J.

Spotting him was easy; Kendall always sat at the same lounge. He was sure enough drinking a pink smoothie, his sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose. Jo had to force one foot in front of the other to get near him; it was in her nature to avoid confrontations at all costs and the only other time she'd gone against it was that day in her dressing room.

"Hey," she muttered weakly. Kendall quickly sat up, taking his shades off.

"Hi."

"I think we need to talk," Jo wrinkled her hands. Kendall's face fell, but he nodded, and made some room for her to sit down "So, how have you been? I feel like I haven't seen you in ages," she started trying to shake off the awkwardness that had settled on them for months now.

"Same old, as you remember it," Kendall said shrugging. Jo nodded "What about you?"

"Well...This is the last week of filming, and I decided that I'm gonna treat myself to a vacation week afterwards, before my agent starts booking auditions for me."

"Vacation week?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go back home for a week. See my mom, catch up with my friends..."

"Oh, is that what you wanted to talk about?" Kendall asked sounding hopeful. Jo pressed her lips in a thin line, shaking her head.

"Nope," she muttered after a while "Kendall...what are we doing?"

"We are talking." Jo gave him a look.

"You know what I mean. We can't go on like this. It's not fair, to either of us."

"I don't wanna lose you," Kendall said, and Jo felt her resolve waning a little.

"I don't wanna lose you either..."

"So let's drop this. Let's go back..." Jo shook her head.

"We can't go back. And we can't move forward. Kendall we've been balancing on this in-between state for months now, and I'm tired."

"We'll try harder," Kendall pushed, reaching for her hand. She didn't pull away, and he smiled at her, but she didn't return it.

"It doesn't matter how hard we try. There's no point at fighting a lost battle Ken."

"So you're just gonna give up on me?" he said bitterly, dropping her hand.

"No," Jo's voice was hurt "I'd never give up on you. But...can't you see that this is not going to work out? It's not giving up, it's admitting that something is over. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I love you," Kendall said, and Jo felt a lump rising in her throat. She reached for his hand this time, entwining their fingers.

"I love you too. Nothing will change that. Ever. But I can't keep pretending Ken. It's taking so much out of me, it's taking so much out of us! I miss the fun we used to have, I miss the times when you weren't afraid to speak your mind around me, and maybe we can get that back if we...if we..."

"Break up?" Kendall provided her with the words. Jo blinked back her tears, nodding her head "Are you sure that's what you want to do?" Jo pondered on it for a second, and then slowly shook her head no "Jo..."

"I just know that we should do it now. It will only hurt more if we postpone it..."

"Hey, no, no tears," Kendall said when he noticed the tears pooling in her eyes. Jo tried to wipe them away but they kept coming back. He tagged at her hand, pulling her closer to him, and into his arms "Shh, I love you."

"I didn't mean for this to happen. When I came back..." Jo said as the tears cascaded down her face "I honestly thought we could make it work but..."

"But everything has to end at some point," Kendall continued, his hand stroking small circles on her back "It's the way of life; everything has its time, and everything ends."

"Where did we go wrong?" Jo asked hoarsely after she stopped crying. Kendall was still holding her close.

"We didn't. Sometimes things just happen, and we have to live with them. Don't over-think it Jo," he muttered kissing the top of her head. Jo gently pulled away.

"I do love you," she said, and he nodded, leaning forward a bit to brush his lips over hers.

"I know."

"Sometimes it's not enough," she said and he nodded again "I wish it was."

"So do I."

"We'll be okay?" it was more of a question than a statement, and Jo looked at him, expecting an answer.

"We'll be better than okay; we'll be great," Jo couldn't stop herself from giggling "There's the smile that floored me when I first met you," he said with a small wink. Jo felt her cheeks flushing.

"Now, now, Kendall, since I'm not your girlfriend anymore, you can't say things like that," she said teasingly.

"You're my friend, I can still hit on you if I feel like it," he said coyly. Jo slapped his chest.

"I think this was the most civilized break up ever," Jo said.

"Yeah, I'd have to agree, I feel proud of us," he grinned. Jo smiled back.

"So do I."

"Would you, maybe like to go get something to eat?" Kendall asked, chasing away the comfortable silence that had fallen over them "As friends," he added.

Jo looked at him torn. The tension between them, the one that had been driving her crazy for the past months, had died down a little and she could feel her stomach purring hungrily at the mention of food. But she also knew that she needed some time away from Kendall. She needed some time alone, to sort through her feelings, and calm down.

"Ugh, can I get a rain check on this one?" she asked.

"It's only lunch Jo," Kendall said with an easy smile.

"I know, but I think I need some time alone," Jo decided to be honest with him.

"Okay, rain check," Kendall said. Jo allowed a small smile on her face, and pushed her hands against the lounge to get up "Don't be a stranger Taylor," Kendall said teasingly, but the look in his eyes was serious. Jo brought her hand to his face, stroking his cheek with the back of her hand.

"I won't," she said reassuringly. Kendall shut his eyes, leaning on her touch, and they stayed like that for a couple of seconds. Jo finally pulled away, shoving both her hands in the pockets of her hoodie "See you around Knight," she said with a wink.

"Later Jo."

Soon as she entered the lobby Jo stilled herself for a moment. She leaned against the wall, drawing in a deep breath. They were going to be okay, they would be fine, she kept repeating. She could feel the tears rushing back to her eyes, and she blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. She shouldn't cry, this was the right thing to do, it was the right decision. She nodded to herself, and stole one last look at Kendall through the window; he looked a bit cheerless than before, but he'd gone back to his smoothie, his shades once again perched on his nose. Jo smiled to herself,

They were going to be okay.

**Remember all the things we wanted**

**Now all our memories they're haunted**

**We were always meant to say goodbye.**

* * *

**A/N; Okay so for a one-shot this was kinda huge, way longer than my Lomille one. And I think that at some points it didn't make much sense, and it escalated quickly? Anyway, please, please let me know what you think of it, whether you hated it, or loved it please let me know. **


End file.
